North Cascades National Park, July 2014
I hate anxiety.
I hate how my life has been and continues to be controlled by it.
I hate how much it has taken from me.
I hate the way it makes me act.
I hate that it makes me so reliant on my mom.
I hate how much it makes me ‘take’ from others and how little I can give.
I hate that I have no control over it.
I hate how it makes me lie and come up with excuses to avoid doing simple things such as lunch with friends. I hate how stressed it makes me over the simple things I can’t get out of. I hate how it makes me physically sick,
I hate how the fear of being sick the just feeds the already bad anxiety.
I hate that I can’t fix it.
I hate how it makes me plan everything well in advance and makes me crumble when plans don’t work out.
I hate how i worry constantly about things that may or may not happen in the futur.
I hate the amount of needless worrying I do about such a wide range of topics.
I hate how I don’t have the confidence to go to the doctors and ask for help.
I hate that others don’t understand anxiety.
I hate that people claim to have anxiety (or over exaggerate) just to get pills.
I now try and not let it ruin my life, I fight though it but it’s so hard. I try hard to not let it control me but it makes my life so stressful and I end up having bad anxiety and being ill in public. I fight through it because I can’t stand living in the restricted life of being anxiety free anymore but at what cost to me and those around me.
I have no choice but to keep moving through it and fighting but I wish I could give up, crawl into bed and not deal with life.
Determined to get back to daily meditation and exercise. No better time than this vacation, so meditation done, next pilates. Have a good day!
I firmly believe in small gestures: pay for their coffee, hold the door for strangers, over tip, smile or try to be kind even when you don’t feel like it, pay compliments, chase the kid’s runaway ball down the sidewalk and throw it back to him, try to be larger than you are— particularly when it’s difficult. People do notice, people appreciate. I appreciate it when it’s done to (for) me. Small gestures can be an effort, or actually go against our grain (“I’m not a big one for paying compliments…”), but the irony is that almost every time you make them, you feel better about yourself. For a moment life suddenly feels lighter, a bit more Gene Kelly dancing in the rain.
Jonathan Carroll (via quotethat)
A couple of folks picnicking in the valley at sunset. This place was incredible. Probably still is!
Pentax 645, 45mm, Portra 400
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SLO instameet bonfire is almost underway. If you don’t have plans tonight .. Head on over !
Grover beach offramp - look left .. For 1978 VW bus.. And the wood teepee
BYOW! ( bring your own wood ) to share
See you in a bit ! #wwimslo #wwim9 @mrsgrubby @jmeshe
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The Butterfly | via Tumblr on We Heart It.